What Does a Typical Relationship & Lifestyle Coaching Session Look Like?
What Does a Typical Relationship & Lifestyle Coaching Session Look Like?
Each session is unique: Clients come to me with specific goals in mind. They are looking for support. Many have unanswered questions and they want to talk with someone who has experience in the field to give them a real time answer, based on life experience. I address the needs of each client as they come up. Together we create a plan that works for them and is in alignment for their goals.
Note taking: I take notes for every session. I like to keep track of the conversation and the points we address in order to keep things focused and on track. I will often refer back to my notes during a session to ask questions, help clarify, and give action steps for clients to work on between sessions.
Follow-up email after each session: I send a follow-up email to every client, after every coaching session. I like to give my client something to use between sessions. Giving them an email that addresses the key points of our session, as well as specific action steps for them to work on between sessions, helps them stay focused and on track between sessions. It also gives us a starting point for our next session.
Active listening: Every client comes to me for a reason. That reason usually has to do with a story, or a situation that happened in the past, present, or future. When a client comes to me, I give them my full attention. I’m a firm believer that every story needs to be heard, at least once. Sharing our story gives us an opportunity to see it for what it is. Sharing our story gives us insight into our role in it. This allows us to consider what actions we can take to shift the story and create an entirely new experience.
Identification of patterns: Patterns keep us stuck in certain modes of behavior. Patterns can present challenges when they are not addressed. When working with clients, I look for patterns in behavior, thoughts, story, and beliefs. It is common for me to interrupt a client in mid sentence to call out a pattern. Why? I have found that the patterns that keep us stuck are unconscious. By calling them out, we bring them to light, we make them conscious. When patterns become conscious, we are more able to shift them.
Integrity to service: My goal is to serve each client in whatever way I can. I give my clients my full attention by holding space for them to be who they are free of judgment and expectation. I share with my clients what I see. I bring attention to patterns and notice direct our work toward how those patterns impact the client’s life and relationships. I suggest specific action steps they can take to shift out of experiences that no longer serve them, and empower them to make choices that will help them achieve their goals. If a client comes to me and I feel like they would be better off working with another professional, I will refer them to someone who can best meet their needs.
Confidentiality: This is key. When I am working with a client, the information they share and what we talk about in a session, stays in that session. If I am working with a couple, and each person wants a private session with me, what is shared in that session stays in that session. If they want to share something with their partner, I encourage them to do so. If something comes up in a session that I think may be valuable for them to share with their partner, I may suggest they do so; however, what each client chooses to do is their choice. Confidentiality creates safety. I hold it with the highest regard.
Together we create a plan: Together we are a team. We learn together, we grow together, we create positive changes together. I am invested in my clients’ best interest.
Curious to know more?
Here is a sneak peek into an email I wrote to a client following a recent session. In the following email, I offer a recap of our session as well as suggested action steps to take between sessions. Maybe this will be helpful for you too!
It was great talking to you earlier today. Here are a few notes and suggested action steps to work on between now and our next session.
1) Books and suggested reading…. 15 – 20mins/day
Action: Select a time each day and set the timer. Choose from one of the following books and read. Allow your body to relax as you let the words in. Take notes/highlight what stands out for you.
“Codependent No More” … you have this book.
“Soulmate Secret” … Arielle Ford, you can find it on amazon.com.
“The Power of Now” … Eckhart Tolle, you can find this on amazon.com
2) We got clear today that you are ready to change your mindset. In order to do that you will need to consciously redirect your mind when you are in your mind (spinning, telling stories, jumping from past to future, trying to figure something out).
Action: When you notice you are in your mind space (see above), stop what you are doing. Stop everything. Put your hand on your heart, or your fingers on your lips, or bite your tongue. Do some small physical action to let get your body in tune with stopping your mind. This is very important. When you have that (example, when you have your hand on your heart), Take 10 deep breaths. Count 10 deep breaths, and let your body breath, notice what you notice without changing anything. Just breathe. 10 deep breaths. Do this whenever you feel you are in your head, spinning etc. The idea is to notice when it happens, and gently bring yourself back to presence. Remind yourself that it’s okay to be in your head, and it’s okay to bring more presence into your life. This simple action will help you become more comfortable (and confident) in your life and in challenging situations.
3) It seems like you go into belief mode as a way of processing who you really are. This is common; and it can get in the way of our development because often the story will take on a life of it’s own and we loose touch with our goal.
Action: When you find yourself in belief mode like “this is why I’m attracting all of these men” or “I’ll never get what I want,” DO THIS.. Notice when your mind wants to create a story to figure something out. Say “hi” to your mind, and to the story. Label it if it’s helpful, “this is a story,” and ask yourself if telling that story is really helpful. If it’s not, then say “thank you” and choose something else to do (go for a walk, listen to music, do something to move the energy). Reassure yourself that you are not your thoughts, you are not your story, you are not your belief.
4) You spoke about how every time you want to try something new, your inner two year old kicks in. This part of you whines, kicks, complains. You said you want to change this. You also said that once you are on the other side of the new experience, you are grateful you did it. So in a sense, it seems like you want the new experience, but you don’t want the tantrum, so you find yourself stuck. Be gentle to this part of yourself. This inner child, this two year old, is a part of you. Consider it as a teacher; ready to take you to the next level in your life and in your relationship. It’s okay. Now is the time to be more present with this part of you, rather than judge it, ignore it, and/or push it aside. Pretending it’s not there will not make it go away.
Action: When you are having a two year old moment, STOP. Put your hand on your heart, take 1 -10 deep breaths, and breathe. After a few breaths, ask yourself the following…
“Where am I?” … wait for an answer.
“What do I need?” or “What does this part need?”… wait for an answer.
“What simple and tangible thing can I do to meet that need?”… wait for an answer. Take that action.
Repeat as needed.
5) We spoke of ways to get things out of your head, allowing your mind to be more free and in the flow of what’s happening in the moment, more available to possibilities as they show up.
Action: Make lists for the following… Get a notebook for the purpose of this exercise. Set aside 15-20 minutes for each list. Set a timer and write as much as you can during that time, free flow. Just list, no process, no thought. Just list.
A list of stories that you tell and retell yourself
A list of beliefs your mind tells you and tries to convince you are true
A list of triggers
A list of wants… What do you want in a relationship? What are your BIG DESIRES, and your LITTLE DESIRES?
A list of your “hell yes” and “hell no” in life and in relationship
Remember: Change is challenging. It’s a process that everyone goes through. How people move through change is dependent on a lot of factors, some they have control over and some they do not (or did not because it was programmed into them as a child). Again, change is normal and the stress that comes with change is also normal. You can’t go from 0 -100. Your current challenge is to trust that you can go step by step, and you will achieve your goal. Again, it’s a process, not a race. “Slow and steady wins the race.” The work you are doing now is preparing your for your next relationship.
I hope this email is helpful. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Have a great week!
For more information about how I can help you achieve your goals, contact me, and let’s talk.
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